so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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