Are we in a gay sports bar?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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