the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
