farters have to be the big spoon...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
