i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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