Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
