I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
