She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
