toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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