you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
