my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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