She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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