She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
