Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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