Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
