Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
