im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
