Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
