tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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