he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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