Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
