She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Four minutes until I can fart!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
