i was rollin on her like bob the builder
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
