Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
