i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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