It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
