my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
