I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
When are your genitals available?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think my moral compass just broke
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