Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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