he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I smell like Dick and happiness
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
