I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
this hospital has no fireball
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
