just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
