Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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