I cut my penus on the lid.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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