I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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