Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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