I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
