I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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