last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
