I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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