You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Randomize
