We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
