something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
