I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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