Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
