I could make wine with my vomit
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
