OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
