I murdered the dance floor call the cops
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
