dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
