plz talk dirty to me
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
